Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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