omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
