My friends, they love my intelligence
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
