I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The Olympian is in my bed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
