I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
