I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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