She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Welp...herpes.
My balls are so social today.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
