the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
