So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
