It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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