brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I stole a fireplace last night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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