I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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