I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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