Are we in a gay sports bar?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I think your dad took our porno
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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