So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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