I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
