Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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