there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Randomize
