so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
