When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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