she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
