Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His nipple licking is glorious
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