I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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