If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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