i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
