ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
