i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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