Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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