wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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