so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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