i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
