Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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