My Higher Power is John Stamos
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
