My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
