actually, I'm a sock model
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
