Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
