Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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