is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
