She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
