"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
