worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
