i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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