I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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