youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
