Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
