What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
