i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
