Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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