She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
