New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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